i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
