i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
