Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
