Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
