my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
