"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
