I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
