you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
