there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
