Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
