i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
