You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ladies don't puke and tell
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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