mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
