that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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