just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
