Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
