I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
