I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
