I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
