i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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