Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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