The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
