Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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