Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
