i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
