Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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