You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Buhtt sex?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
