I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
