woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize