When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
