you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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