You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
