As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
