hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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