Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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