I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
