Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
