Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
