My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude i'm inner monologue high
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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