I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
