Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
