oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
