her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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