Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
