and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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