never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
