we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
