dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
