That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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