Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize