we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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