when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
