Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
