Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
