Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
