Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
