Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
