What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Someone came in the potted fern
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
