are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
