so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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