Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
