I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
