woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
