I wish I only lived at night.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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