can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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