Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
