While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize