Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
